no more of you. just all of me

life is precious.
hang on to it.
don't waste your time on people who aren't worth the trouble.


recently several members of my extended family and friends families have passed on. It seems everytime i answer the phone there's bad news on the other end. it always shocks me to silence. cold and dead. dead being the operative word. There is no way to avoid it. lest you not smoke ciggarettes and count your blessings.
people who i dont want in my life will no longer be a priority for me to please. there isnt enough time and room in my heart, and i need to hold on to those that have taken a big place and mean something.

i was in the car with an irishman yesterday--literally, and he thought he could pick apart my life. he tried, did a fairly good job, but i was left instead of thinking of what he had said to me on our hour long car ride back north, but about what my life was to me and who the 'key players' if you will- really are.

i am myself. thats all i can do. when you sit there and tell me im beautiful and that you judged me because i had a smile on my face and a multi-colored pastel moomoo on, i have nothing for you.

i will take the attraction you have for me, laugh about its falacie, and smile because im on my way to being content with myself and only myself.

its been so many times that a guy has taken the idea i have of my self-worth and smashed it, not even knowing how or why he did it.

if the people that i love in my life are dying, i must pay attention.


FURTHERMORE:
i am a roller coaster beast. i should serve as an example to everyone that i am THE success story. from hyperventalating on my first coaster as my sister dangled $10 in front of me and the cleaning of my bedroom as bait-- to the never ending "brit you're crazy" cant get enough, sitting on my belt so it doesnt fly out of the top of the volcano madness that is my love, and only love of the fear and the thrill that those rides give me. thanks nattyo. so so soon will we be together. AGAIN.